The Best is Yet to Come

Today's order: Venti Verona with Extra Cream

No parent is perfect. We all make mistakes. And often, when we make those mistakes, we reassure ourselves by saying "I'm doing the best that I can."

But are we really? At the end of the day, is this really the best we can do?

I began thinking about this after reading Kelley's post today at Magneto Bold Too. Her post essentially asked "Are you the person today that you thought you would be 10 years ago?" Although I'm not exactly where I thought I would be 10 years ago (and who is?), my most fundamental self is precisely who I thought I would be: a mother. No, not a mother. Mommy.

But, you know, as I thought about it more, I realized that I am not the mother I thought I would be. Call me naive, but 10 years ago, I thought I would be a very different kind of mother. I thought I would be more together, more organized, more empathetic, more playful, more joyful, more consistent, more inspired, more inspiring... more everything.

Now, I recognize that motherhood is hard. Harder than anyone can possibly imagine before it happens to them. And as hard as motherhood is, it's 1000x harder to do it well.

But, I feel like I've been using that as an excuse. I feel like "I'm doing the best that I can" has become a cop-out for me. When I'm tired and overwhelmed and I yell at my children (no, scream at them), I'm not doing the best that I can. When the Princess asks me to play with her and I say, "just a minute, honey" for 15 minutes straight while I read blogs, I'm not doing the best that I can. When I make hot dogs for supper for the third time in a week because I can't get my act together enough to properly plan meals, I'm not doing the best that I can. When a whole day passes and my kids haven't been outdoors to play, I'm not doing the best that I can. (I could go on all day like this, but you get the gist...)

I feel that I can do better. That I should do better. My kids deserve that much.

So what's stopping me? Am I that selfish? Yeah, sometimes I think so. Am I that insensitive to their feelings? Although I hate to admit it, yes, I think I am. Am I repeating the mistakes that were made by my parents? Most definitely.

I cannot let this continue. For the sake of my children. For the sake of my family. For the sake of myself.

I hereby resolve today, with anyone who reads this as my witness, I WILL DO BETTER. I will become that mother that I envisioned myself to be. I will be proud of the way that I parent. I will make my children proud to have me as a mother, my husband proud to have me as a wife.

I will not be perfect, but I will do the best that I can.